The royal family recently welcomed a new baby into their castle. We also have heard the birth announcements from several celebrities who have become parents. Many of us have had the pleasure of welcoming a new baby into our families or celebrated a new birth with friends. So…what’s all this hoopla about having a baby and becoming a parent?
I taught a course in Developmental Psychology for years in one of our local universities. There were always a lot of parents taking my class and many were single moms. Being a parent myself, I always had great empathy for other parents and particularly for single parents whose job is made all the more difficult because they are doing it alone. When the syllabus got around to talking about the psychology of parenting I would lead by saying what a rewarding job it was being a parent, but also always cautioned that it is one of the most difficult jobs anyone could ever undertake.
Good parenting is hard work. To raise a happy balanced human being to adulthood is an tremendous responsibility. Parenting (especially good healthy parenting) takes an abundance of time and patience. Age appropriate structure has to be balanced with acceptance, and love which sometimes can be a challenge for any parent who is tired, unsupported or overwhelmed. At any developmental stage there will be moments in a child’s life where parenting will be a test for most parents regardless of circumstance.
The pressure to be a “Great Parent” is astronomical. We are always looking at how family and friends are raising their children. We often are seeing images of parenting on TV and in movies that may not be realistic portrayals of what parenting is all about. We all have idealized thoughts about what good parenting should look like. But often the pressure to be a good parent is self-imposed and is mostly self-defeating.
The reality is that most parents do a great job… but… we only seem to notice our “screw ups”. All parents make mistakes. But most of what we do is wonderful. We tend to remember the mistakes we make along the way and beat ourselves up with them. This is not psychologically healthy for us. Each of us as parents will do or say things with our children that we immediately wish we could magically take back. Life happens…Stress and pressures will negatively impact our responses and patience levels with our children. The reality of parenting is- we will mess up at times and forget all the advice we learned in our Developmental Psychology class or read in one of the many Parenting Books available. Those times can be wonderful learning experiences for our children when we say to them that we are sorry, we made some mistakes and we want to make things better.
When you had a baby, your life changed irrevocably. As a parent you are making a promise to the future. The promise that you make to the future is to try and raise a responsible, emotionally healthy and responsive adult. This process will not be an even one- there will be highs and lows- sometimes you will feel like a hero and at other times you will feel like the goat. That is parenting life. Give yourself pats on the back for the job you are doing. As you take good care of your children, remember to take good care of yourself. The business of raising a human being is mind boggling and requires a healthy you to make a healthy child. Remember to always be kind to yourself!
Be well, joe cozzo
